Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
