i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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