i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
