The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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