I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize