the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
