Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
