So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
