Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
