I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
