I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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