I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
