i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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