im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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