final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
