tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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