my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
