it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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