I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
