I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
