ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish life had little blips of pornography
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
