is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
