my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
