i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
