we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize