apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
