And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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