Cold hands, warm shart.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
