Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
