I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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