My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
