Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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