I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
