Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
