my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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