trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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