i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
