....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
