im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
