a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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