I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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