I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
