i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
