Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
