I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
