OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
