your room smells of hookers.
And success
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
