so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
