Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
