I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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