I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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