I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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