I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
