We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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