bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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