when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
