At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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