i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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