..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I will pee on everything he values.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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