and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
