I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
