Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
