can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
